i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
