At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
