I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
