Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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