Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Blood and glitter go together right?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
