This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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