I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
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