I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
