Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
