i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
