i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
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