I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
