you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.