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I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
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