I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
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When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
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I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.