Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
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after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
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Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.