my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
