I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
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