No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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