i already hear my dad disowning me
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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