Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I can't turn off my feet"
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
