U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
