She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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