I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
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