I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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