we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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