I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
