I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
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