Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
