Farmville is her only friend.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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