I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
