I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
