maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
