brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
