you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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