I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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