I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
