roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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