my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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