Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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