I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
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I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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