how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
