census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
where are my eyebrows?
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