Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
