Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
