My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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