All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
