you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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