I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
He has the fingertips of a God
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
