new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
