okay pat passed out under dana's car
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
