That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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