kristin has been a bad kristin
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
