One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
