My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
