Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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