I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
So. Much. Porn.
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