I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
