It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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