you didnt know i had herpes?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Everyone says I win the strip club
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
