Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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