video games are the ultimate cock blocker
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
