I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
