bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
