so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
