After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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