3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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