It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Randomize
