I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
His hands were made for my vagina.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
