actually, I'm a sock model
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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