apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
