A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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