the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
We were destined to go to rehab together
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
In other news, I just burned my penis
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
