i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
